Center for Relativistic Laser Science

http://nanotube.skku.ac.kr/weekly.html 에서 옮김

2012.06.14 18:59:31

We have to pack luggage to go travel oversea. I got used to oversea's travel now and always tried to take the least items. Only necessary items....

What are only necessary items to live on travel??

Depending on the number of dates to stay, I prepare socks and inner shirts. Probably, if it is a simple journey without business, I would have even reduced the number of these items. Socks are not necessary even with sleepers.. Even the inner shirts, I can minimize the number since I can clean them during travel... And then some trousers and shirts, T-shirts... And computer and what else do I need....

When born for the first time in this world, nothing we have. We are only ready to breathe... But we then start accumulating our own things one by one. I always thought that I was poor and no intention to have anything in hands when I was young. My sister always complained how you are going to survive in this world with such an attitude. So I always thought I could leave anytime without anything in hands. As I am aged, all of a sudden, I realized that I became the one who has something in hands. Family. Innevitable to escape... Permanently bound... When someone decides to be a monk, this relationship would be the one which is always a burden to be separated.. What if I decide to leave this world now? What would bother me the most?? Just like I did not have anything at all when I was born, I cannot bring anything at all when I leave. This is the very essence of our life. What is left then? Memory, experience, wealth.... Nothing I can bring... Reborn of life into human being in buddhism is again meaningless because nothing is left due to no memory with reborn. Except Rama who relies on the memory in the previous life...

Sometime ago, I had to think seriously for my future. That was the first time I realized that I became a man of having things. About 10 years ago when I left the previous place, I was able to do it without hesitating anything at all. Maybe because I was young but mainly because I thought I did not have anything at all. Nothing to lose as a matter of fact. Now the situation was different. I was in deep agony... Lab members, equipments... It was not only myself's concern at all. Although I did not realize, my bug burden forced me not to be mobile at all. I saw myself like that and realized that it is time to drop everything, at least time to decide that. Life is after all alone anyway. We accumulate our weight during life but leaving means we reduce our weight again or return all my belongings to zero like we were born...

Now I am in Nagoya airport again after workshop. I came here three days ago and now I am leaving. Travel makes our body exhausted but feel our spirit free. This thinking comes in and leave, and another follows.. wonder here and there.... Many thoughts and ideas pop up here and there following one after another. Sometimes, this resolves ever longing entangled thread bundles one by one. Depending one the new scenary opened in front of you, your frame of thinking is broken apart and leads to new world of unbelievable imagination. Previously I felt lonely with travel but now not at all lonely, once I realized this is the essence of the journey. Rather I am comfortable. Time to lego the broken pieces of thinkings and ideas. I do not have to concern about other people. Just wander what thinking leads to. If I want to sleep, just sleep. If I wake up, just do what I want. Then I meet some other people and talk to them and I share ideas. It is sometimes wonder when I realize there are some people who think the same stuffs as you do in the other side of the earth. The same subject but sometimes with different directions but sometimes exactly the same directions as you think... We try to understand each other and learn from each other. This is what happens in this world of earth where I belong to, irrespective of the culture and age.

During three days of workshop, I quitely listened to what they have been working without hurry. This made me calm down and wrap up my ideas. Sometimes they discuss subjects I did not understand... To understand it, I think what needs to be done. Again this makes me decent... Japanese scientists always surprise me in a soft way. I wish we could do research like these people. Not magnificent but with depth... We are in transition period now. Unless we make noises, people do not appreciate our effort, which ends up sometimes with troubles of no funding. This drives us crazy... Inevitable at this moment but not desirable at all. But this can't go long. We all have to have to be changed.

What should I do to be good researcher? What can I leave to our next generation? Although I am never enough to be a good man, at least it is my desire to show the best trace as a researcher to next generation as long as I breathe. Perhaps this is also greedy attitude. Yet, this desire might be OK because I am still breathing as a live human being.